The phone call took me by complete surprise. It was an ordinary homeschool day with my kiddos, and we were just finishing our morning subjects, almost ready to break for lunch when my cell phone lit up with a call from an unknown number. Typically I will allow phone calls from “unknowns” to go directly to my voicemail, especially during school time, but for some reason I hit the little green button to accept the call. A woman on the other end says, “This is Angela from The Boys and Girls Harbor in La Porte.” My mind raced hastily trying recall who this woman was and the organization she was representing. She continued, “I left you a message around Thanksgiving and never heard back, so I thought I’d give you another call. Several young boys have come into our care recently, and although your application was submitted quite a while ago, I wanted to call and ask if you and your husband are still interested in becoming a host family.” Stunned, I muttered something about never receiving her message in November and proceeded to ask the few initial questions that popped into my mind to gain some clarity over the situation.
Let me
explain why this particular phone call caught me so off guard. It was a longing
of the heart that I had put on the shelf. I had given up on my desire to be a “hands-on”
fulfillment of James 1:27 and had become content with sponsoring children
through Compassion International. Please
don’t misunderstand. Compassion is a wonderful organization which has been life
changing for our family, and I’d highly recommend sponsorship; however, my
motherly desire was to live out the calling to care for orphans through a hands
on approach-namely adoption. For many
years I’ve had a passionate desire to adopt. I’ve prayed fervently that God
would allow my husband and I to be like minded concerning adoption, but the
Lord hasn’t answered in the way I petitioned. Over a year and a half ago, I
stumbled through a frenzied season of doubt, confusion, resentment, and
subsequent anger. I sincerely believed the Lord had laid upon my heart the
desire for adoption; however, my husband I simply were not in agreement. I
struggled to understand how I could have such an intense longing that was not
shared by my husband and there seemed to be absolutely no movement by God to
change one of our hearts. I was fraught with despair questioning whether I had
heard God correctly, or if I could even hear him at all. I incessantly cried out to God to change my
heart if he wouldn’t change my husband’s because I certainly didn’t want a
desire that would never be fulfilled, nor one which was not in line with God’s
will for my life. I can’t begin to explain the months of prayer, discussions,
tears, doubt, disappointment, and faltering faith that ensued. We attempted several avenues to fulfill this
longing of my heart. We prayerfully considered becoming host parents for an
international child during the holidays, but ultimately that door closed. We endeavored
then to become foster parents, but after completing a portion of the training,
the timing didn’t seem right for our family and so another door closed. Prior to
these avenues, we had submitted our application to be a weekend host family for
a boy in foster care through The Boys and Girls Harbor. I had placed several
phone calls to the organization, but never received a return call. We went
ahead and submitted our application on-line and waited. We never heard back…until
a year and a half later.
There
will be times in our lives when it looks like God is doing nothing, and the
desires of hearts will go unfulfilled. But, we must not give up! When God seems
hidden, he is at work. We cannot put an expiration date on our dreams simply
because they do not come to pass in our timing. Psalm 37:4 declares, “Delight
yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart.” Living
in a fast paced society driven by instant gratification, we simply have a difficult
time waiting for the joy of our God-given desires to come to pass. My impatient
flesh would love the word, “wait” eradicated from my existence, but the truth
is, God uses the waiting period to birth faith in us and to prepare our hearts
for the fulfillment of his promises. Sarah and Abraham were given a promise by
God when it was already physically impossible (due to age) and they endured twenty-four
years of silence before they received the promised birth of their son. Often we
are too busy observing the facts and limitations of our situation to keep our attention
on the promise God has given us. Staring unswervingly at facts will render us
faithless, full of doubt and despair because we have embraced a focus that is
simply erroneous. The Apostle Paul exhorts, “For we walk by faith and not sight”
(2 Cor 5:7). Our internal heart posture must be one of unswerving faith, believing
God is able; not full of laughter like our sister, Sarah, who could not overcome
the facts and believe God’s word for her life.
If God
has spoken a promise to your heart that you have yet to see fulfilled, thank
him for the promise and judge him faithful to bring it to completion. Renee
Swope, author of a Confident Heart, writes, “The desires of your heart indicate
your God-given passion to make a difference somewhere. God uses the desires of
our hearts to narrow the focus of where he wants our lives to make a mark for
eternity.” So, what dream has God woven in the depths of your heart that you
have given up on achieving? What goals have you put on the shelf because they
seem impossible? What is the one desire
God spoke to you years ago that you have marked, “Expired?” Don’t confuse your
due date with God’s appointed time. Choose to trust God in the gap, no matter
how long that may be, between the promise and the fulfillment. It may not look
the way you thought it would look. It may not take shape the way you thought it
would take shape. But, God is faithful to bring to pass every single word he
has spoken over our lives in his perfect time. Nothing is impossible with God,
not your dream or mine.
