The Unexpected Call

                                       
            The phone call took me by complete surprise. It was an ordinary homeschool day with my kiddos, and we were just finishing our morning subjects, almost ready to break for lunch when my cell phone lit up with a call from an unknown number. Typically I will allow phone calls from “unknowns” to go directly to my voicemail, especially during school time, but for some reason I hit the little green button to accept the call.  A woman on the other end says, “This is Angela from The Boys and Girls Harbor in La Porte.” My mind raced hastily trying recall who this woman was and the organization she was representing. She continued, “I left you a message around Thanksgiving and never heard back, so I thought I’d give you another call. Several young boys have come into our care recently, and although your application was submitted quite a while ago, I wanted to call and ask if you and your husband are still interested in becoming a host family.” Stunned, I muttered something about never receiving her message in November and proceeded to ask the few initial questions that popped into my mind to gain some clarity over the situation.

Let me explain why this particular phone call caught me so off guard. It was a longing of the heart that I had put on the shelf. I had given up on my desire to be a “hands-on” fulfillment of James 1:27 and had become content with sponsoring children through Compassion International.  Please don’t misunderstand. Compassion is a wonderful organization which has been life changing for our family, and I’d highly recommend sponsorship; however, my motherly desire was to live out the calling to care for orphans through a hands on approach-namely adoption.  For many years I’ve had a passionate desire to adopt. I’ve prayed fervently that God would allow my husband and I to be like minded concerning adoption, but the Lord hasn’t answered in the way I petitioned. Over a year and a half ago, I stumbled through a frenzied season of doubt, confusion, resentment, and subsequent anger. I sincerely believed the Lord had laid upon my heart the desire for adoption; however, my husband I simply were not in agreement. I struggled to understand how I could have such an intense longing that was not shared by my husband and there seemed to be absolutely no movement by God to change one of our hearts. I was fraught with despair questioning whether I had heard God correctly, or if I could even hear him at all.  I incessantly cried out to God to change my heart if he wouldn’t change my husband’s because I certainly didn’t want a desire that would never be fulfilled, nor one which was not in line with God’s will for my life. I can’t begin to explain the months of prayer, discussions, tears, doubt, disappointment, and faltering faith that ensued.  We attempted several avenues to fulfill this longing of my heart. We prayerfully considered becoming host parents for an international child during the holidays, but ultimately that door closed. We endeavored then to become foster parents, but after completing a portion of the training, the timing didn’t seem right for our family and so another door closed. Prior to these avenues, we had submitted our application to be a weekend host family for a boy in foster care through The Boys and Girls Harbor. I had placed several phone calls to the organization, but never received a return call. We went ahead and submitted our application on-line and waited. We never heard back…until a year and a half later.  

There will be times in our lives when it looks like God is doing nothing, and the desires of hearts will go unfulfilled. But, we must not give up! When God seems hidden, he is at work. We cannot put an expiration date on our dreams simply because they do not come to pass in our timing. Psalm 37:4 declares, “Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart.” Living in a fast paced society driven by instant gratification, we simply have a difficult time waiting for the joy of our God-given desires to come to pass. My impatient flesh would love the word, “wait” eradicated from my existence, but the truth is, God uses the waiting period to birth faith in us and to prepare our hearts for the fulfillment of his promises. Sarah and Abraham were given a promise by God when it was already physically impossible (due to age) and they endured twenty-four years of silence before they received the promised birth of their son. Often we are too busy observing the facts and limitations of our situation to keep our attention on the promise God has given us. Staring unswervingly at facts will render us faithless, full of doubt and despair because we have embraced a focus that is simply erroneous. The Apostle Paul exhorts, “For we walk by faith and not sight” (2 Cor 5:7). Our internal heart posture must be one of unswerving faith, believing God is able; not full of laughter like our sister, Sarah, who could not overcome the facts and believe God’s word for her life.

If God has spoken a promise to your heart that you have yet to see fulfilled, thank him for the promise and judge him faithful to bring it to completion. Renee Swope, author of a Confident Heart, writes, “The desires of your heart indicate your God-given passion to make a difference somewhere. God uses the desires of our hearts to narrow the focus of where he wants our lives to make a mark for eternity.” So, what dream has God woven in the depths of your heart that you have given up on achieving? What goals have you put on the shelf because they seem impossible?  What is the one desire God spoke to you years ago that you have marked, “Expired?” Don’t confuse your due date with God’s appointed time. Choose to trust God in the gap, no matter how long that may be, between the promise and the fulfillment. It may not look the way you thought it would look. It may not take shape the way you thought it would take shape. But, God is faithful to bring to pass every single word he has spoken over our lives in his perfect time. Nothing is impossible with God, not your dream or mine. 

                         

                                                   

The Popular Label

                                  
        Popular. When you hear this word, what thoughts or feelings does it dredge up inside you? If you used to be, or you’re still considered “popular,” the word probably doesn’t strike you with a sense of dread, and maybe you really don’t think much of it at all. Or conceivably it fills you with pleasurable feelings knowing that you were (or are) associated with the “in crowd.”  Popular may be one of many labels you wear, but is it the right label?
          Growing up in small town U.S.A., I wore many labels, but popular wasn’t one of them. It started in 6^th grade math class when I asked a question and a “popular” boy called me stupid in front of the entire class. Needless to say, I went through the rest of my school years not asking another question, and forever labeled in my mind as “stupid.” Entering junior high, the one thing the majority of the girls wanted was to be   a......you guessed it……a cheerleader. Of course I tried out, and to this day I can still remember the distraught group of girls who didn’t make the squad (myself included). So, my next label emerged: “Not liked,” because at that time, you were voted on by your peers thus resulting in nothing but a good ‘ol fashioned popularity contest. As middle school continued, the cliques developed, and the “pretty” girls ruled. To drive home the fact that I didn’t belong in this category either, Valentine’s Day rolled around, and the pretty girls had lockers filled with balloon bouquets and vases of beautiful flowers. The only flowers I carried were the ones that belonged to one of the “pretty” girls when she asked me to carry them out to her mother’s car for her! So, my next label materialized: “Not Pretty Enough.” Throughout the remainder of my high school years, I struggled with the labels that I was either given by others, or the labels I gave myself as a direct result of how I was treated by my peers. Labels are powerful things that directly impact the way we perceive ourselves, and the way we believe others perceive us. But, there are a couple things I didn’t understand about labels at the time. First, the only one who has the right to label us is the One who bought us which is Jesus Christ. Secondly, when we accept a label from someone else we allow them to control us. I embraced many labels through the years, and subsequently they influenced what I believed, the decisions I made, and the way I behaved.

          Fast forward a few years, and now I’m a forty-year old mom raising three kiddos, two of which are girls on the precipice of their teenage years, and already the labels are descending upon them faster than this mama can help deflect them! My heart is struggling to effectively teach my children that labels only matter if we let them, and to unconditionally love those who have labeled them; especially when those labels and exclusions are from supposed Christ followers. Yep, I said it because it’s time to face the fact that there’s a “popular” problem amongst our church kiddos. I’ve seen it on Sunday mornings, and it spills over onto Monday. Unfortunately, even as an adult I’ve experienced exclusivity and the sense of an “in crowd” within the church. Please don’t get me wrong. I’m not bashing the local church because I love the church, but I think it’s time we wake up to the division Satan is subtly infusing in the Body of Christ. Jesus said there would be one way that a person would be distinguished as a Christ follower and that was “If you have love for one another” (John 13:35). Right words don’t make right Christians. We can wear the Jesus t-shirt and speak the Christian lingo, but if we are showing partiality to certain persons to the exclusivity of others, our faith is worthless. As parents we need to take a good hard look at our behavior as well as the words we speak. We all know our children are more likely to do as we do rather than do what we say. So what type of example are we living before them? Are we living out our devotion to God by loving others despite our differences, or are we presenting our kiddos with the false notion that it’s okay to show partiality on the basis of superficial, external attributes? The “popular” label is never listed in Scripture because we’re all equal at the foot of the cross. However, there are a few labels in Colossians 3:12-14 the Apostle Paul told us to put on: Compassion, kindness, patience, forgiveness, humility, gentleness, and above all love. Our devotion to God is authenticated by our love for others. I don’t think Jesus is fond of his followers mistreating those whom he died to save. May God give us eyes to see as he sees so that we treat others as the loved and paid for souls that they truly are. Let’s commit, as Christ following parents, to authenticate our faith by putting aside fabricated labels and worldly cliques, and to become the loving change our children and our world desperately need. 

In A Blink

    I blinked, and just like that it was over. And this mama didn’t handle the idea of “over” well. At the mere questioning from my daughter, concerning the possibility of attending public school next year, this mama was sent into a frenzy…And. It.Wasn’t.Pretty! I don’t expect you to understand if you have never had the privilege of schooling your children at home. So, let me quickly say, this isn’t a slam towards any family who has chosen the traditional path. I sincerely believe each Christian family must make the prayerful decision concerning which schooling method is appropriate for their family (homeschooling really isn’t for everyone and some days, I’ll admit, it wasn’t for me!) In spite of that, our family embarked on our homeschooling journey 7.5 years ago and it has been full of its joys and trials (especially in math-yuck!) As I now sit on the precipice of a decision to allow my freckle-faced girl to step into the world of public school, I see our homeschooling years suddenly coming to an abrupt close and I’ll be honest, I’m not joyfully singing, “Let it go!”
         As I reminiscence of decorating our first homeschooling room, I remember the excessive trepidation I felt taking this enormous step to follow the call of God on my life to educate our children at home. What if I don’t know the answers? What if I don’t understand every detail of the curriculum? Am I smart enough to teach them? Did God really say to do this? Am I crazy? But, isn’t that what happens when you commit to following God’s calling? Satan has been opposing God’s plan since the garden, so why should I expect anything differently? This homeschooling journey wasn’t necessarily all about keeping them out of public school, but rather, it was centered on the golden opportunity and command of Deuteronomy 6:6-7, “And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.” It was about taking God’s Word and making it the integral part of our children’s lives. I’ll admit though, there were some bumpy days in the beginning, and I wanted nothing more than to flag down that yellow school bus!

        As I reflect on the last 7.5 years, I remember introducing my oldest daughter to the wonderful world of reading while her 4 year old sister sat quietly soaking up every minute. It wasn’t long before she too began cautiously sounding out words to her mama while I enticed her younger brother with M&M’s to use the potty! I recollect time telling instruction, art (which wasn’t too “artsy” from this art inept mama), homeschool friends, pajama days, pumpkin patch field trips, and pulling our hair out over addition and subtraction flash cards (what I wouldn’t give now for one more hair pulling day!) Every single day started (and still starts) the same-opening God’s Word together, and we have stumbled through imperfect seasons of Bible memorization. We went everywhere together-shopping trips, doctor’s appointments, AWANA, dance classes, play times at the park, and swimming lessons at the community pool. (That was the pool where I met fellow homeschooling mama and now life-long friend, Sophia. I absolutely cherish her friendship, wisdom, and cups of coffee during play dates! She was the voice of affirmation and encouragement my first few years of homeschooling and for that, I’m forever thankful). But I digress…Our days were full, our lives were rich, and I just now realize and appreciate it. I didn’t completely embrace each season. Some I wished away quickly (like flashcards…who really loves those things anyway?!)
      But something has happened over the last few days with the mention of it all possibly ending. In the midst of struggling through tender feelings and seeking the wisdom of God, I was given the gracious reminder of intentionality. Everyone tells you time passes quickly once you have children (and I’ve found myself saying the same thing A LOT recently), but it isn’t until those precious, (sometimes hard) seasons of their lives are over that you look back and appreciate the moments. Perhaps I needed to learn this lesson as we embark on the teenage years. I don’t want to wish them away or make the mistake of not being fully present in the days and seasons God has for me. I want to live intentional in the jubilant days as well as in the ugly, chaotic, and problematic messes. Every single one is a gift. Doesn’t the Scripture exclaim, “A person cannot receive even one thing unless it is given him from heaven?” (John 3:27 ESV). So, to the best of my ability, from this day forward, I will live with intentionality. I will grasp my God given moments and live them to the fullest. I will cherish the concluding days of hand crafted pictures, butterfly kisses, Legos scattered, light-saber duels, disheveled beds, finger print smudges, floors full of dinner crumbs, stumbling through math problems, misspelled words, co-op classes, and yes, even flashcards! It is through trials our faith is perfected and it is on the difficult roads the Father molds and perfects. Whatever path our Father has chosen for our family; and however that exposes my weaknesses and shortcomings, I will choose to live intentionally and completely. Psalm 90:12 says, “So teach us to number our days that we may gain a heart of wisdom.” Perhaps God allowed this circumstance with my freckle-faced girl to get my attention and remind me to “number my days,” which is to evaluate the use of my time in light of the brevity of life. Ann Voskamp recently said, “You have absolutely only one decision to make every day: How will you use your time?” Making the most of my time does not entail a tablet screen, TV, or text message. I hear the clock ticking loudly and the moments adding up which equal my life and legacy. Speaking of moments, I’ve spent enough time in front of this screen and the pitter patter of feet has reminded me why I’m writing in the first place, so I must sign off. It’s time to live intentional.
                                  

Choosing to Lose

                            

       In 2015, I choose to lose. That’s right, I want to lose. Everyone loves to win and we love winners, but this year I have decided to live in contrast to the world. Loving this life too much and desiring to always be counted among the winners will affect what I’m willing to do for Christ. Because winning anything significant always involves losing something else. My existence isn’t about making a life, but changing a life. When Jesus sent out the 72 as harvest laborers, they returned to Him with joy (Luke 10:17). It is in the pouring out of ourselves for others that our joy is made complete. It is taking what has been invested in us, and dispensing it for the sake of another made and paid for soul.  Selfishness is a dormant illness that can come to life anytime my focus shifts inward rather than outward; therefore I must choose to lose so that others may win. Isn’t that what Jesus did for me? Didn’t he choose to lose his life so that mine would be saved?

So here are a few things I am choosing to lose this year:

I choose to lose arguments for the sake of peace. The need to always be right is a dreadful disease; and peacemakers, according to Jesus, will be blessed (Matt 5:9).

I choose to lose pride and cling to humility. It is in humility I find grace, and lose the propensity toward sin (Js 4:6).

I choose to lose anger and bitterness because neither produce righteousness in me or in others around me (Js 1:20). Anger may be infectious, but so is grace!

I choose to lose the absurd notion that I cannot be joyful in tribulation and that I must spurn the “bad” days of my life. Life is a moment by moment reception of God’s sovereignty. To accept only good from the Lord’s hand is to emotionally reject God’s providence thus promoting my intentions and desires above God’s.

I choose to lose the idea that busy is better. I will embrace “ordinariness” and simplicity because mundane is a gift.

I choose to lose living to audaciously consume. Instead I will live to be shamelessly consumed by His purpose.

I choose to lose fear and grasp faith because fear and faith cannot co-exist. Faith embraces the courageous willingness to believe God and stand alone under pressure (Dan 1:8-16).

I choose to lose the concept of self-preservation. My life was preserved for me at the cross; therefore since Christ was raised from the dead, I am able to live a “risk it all” kind of life.

I choose to lose bowing down to my feelings and will bow only to God’s Word.

I choose to lose indifference. When I refuse to see pain and suffering in this world, I lose the opportunity to feel and grow in compassion thus attributing to a hardness of heart. Compassionate hearts are birthed through personal experience, and the bravery to involve ourselves in the pain and suffering of others.

Ultimately, the summation of choosing to lose is choosing to extend grace. Because every ungracious moment links me to the amnesia of the soul who forgets the grace that has been extended to me. The reality of the gospel is Jesus chose to lose so we could win. I am a woman who needs more of Jesus in 2015 than of herself. I choose to lose.