Choosing to Lose

                            

       In 2015, I choose to lose. That’s right, I want to lose. Everyone loves to win and we love winners, but this year I have decided to live in contrast to the world. Loving this life too much and desiring to always be counted among the winners will affect what I’m willing to do for Christ. Because winning anything significant always involves losing something else. My existence isn’t about making a life, but changing a life. When Jesus sent out the 72 as harvest laborers, they returned to Him with joy (Luke 10:17). It is in the pouring out of ourselves for others that our joy is made complete. It is taking what has been invested in us, and dispensing it for the sake of another made and paid for soul.  Selfishness is a dormant illness that can come to life anytime my focus shifts inward rather than outward; therefore I must choose to lose so that others may win. Isn’t that what Jesus did for me? Didn’t he choose to lose his life so that mine would be saved?

So here are a few things I am choosing to lose this year:

I choose to lose arguments for the sake of peace. The need to always be right is a dreadful disease; and peacemakers, according to Jesus, will be blessed (Matt 5:9).

I choose to lose pride and cling to humility. It is in humility I find grace, and lose the propensity toward sin (Js 4:6).

I choose to lose anger and bitterness because neither produce righteousness in me or in others around me (Js 1:20). Anger may be infectious, but so is grace!

I choose to lose the absurd notion that I cannot be joyful in tribulation and that I must spurn the “bad” days of my life. Life is a moment by moment reception of God’s sovereignty. To accept only good from the Lord’s hand is to emotionally reject God’s providence thus promoting my intentions and desires above God’s.

I choose to lose the idea that busy is better. I will embrace “ordinariness” and simplicity because mundane is a gift.

I choose to lose living to audaciously consume. Instead I will live to be shamelessly consumed by His purpose.

I choose to lose fear and grasp faith because fear and faith cannot co-exist. Faith embraces the courageous willingness to believe God and stand alone under pressure (Dan 1:8-16).

I choose to lose the concept of self-preservation. My life was preserved for me at the cross; therefore since Christ was raised from the dead, I am able to live a “risk it all” kind of life.

I choose to lose bowing down to my feelings and will bow only to God’s Word.

I choose to lose indifference. When I refuse to see pain and suffering in this world, I lose the opportunity to feel and grow in compassion thus attributing to a hardness of heart. Compassionate hearts are birthed through personal experience, and the bravery to involve ourselves in the pain and suffering of others.

Ultimately, the summation of choosing to lose is choosing to extend grace. Because every ungracious moment links me to the amnesia of the soul who forgets the grace that has been extended to me. The reality of the gospel is Jesus chose to lose so we could win. I am a woman who needs more of Jesus in 2015 than of herself. I choose to lose.

                                                  

A Parent's Words

                                                    

        Today, there is much at stake in what we say. Words plummet from our mouths brandishing unlimited influence. Words boast of the authority to encourage, uplift, compliment, validate, extend hope, and promote healing. The very way our words are exhaled kiss the soul and declare life. Alternatively, words flaunt the ability to cut, pierce, provoke, irritate, anger, shatter, and destroy. Jon Bloom, president of Desiring God, writes, “People die because of something said. Tongues can be weapons of mass destruction, launching holocausts and wars. Tongues can also be the death of marriages, families, friendships, churches, careers, hopes, understanding, reputations, missionary efforts, and governments.” But, the most prevailing words that echo through the recesses of our minds are those articulated by our fathers. Because a father’s words are weighty.

As a mother, the words I declare over my children are powerful, but the words spoken by a father have a greater impact and far more lasting consequences.  Angry, careless words can drop heavy like a crushing brick stripping the blossoming woman within of worth and dignity causing her to wither inside. A father’s words have the potential to inspire, reshape, redeem, and remind the precious soul of grace, unconditional love, respect, and chivalry. The mouth of a father is a Holy Grail filled with potent words to inoculate sons and daughters against a poisonous culture filled with the enemy’s defamations. A father can be the “voice of reason” or the reason their child no longer uses their voice. Because the sum of a father’s words are weighty.

The foundation of a daughter’s securities and subsequent inadequacies are erected on the affirmation or lack thereof they receive from their fathers. King Solomon wrote, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue and those who love it will eat its fruits” (Proverbs 18:21). A wise father knows his words can hurt more than sticks and stones and there is no such thing as an insignificant word. A wise father knows timing and tone are considerations and every single syllable has the potential to caress the soul or extinguish it. A wise father discerns that his words are weighty and he is careful to glorify God by tempering his anger in order to have a well-fathered daughter.

Womankind are born with a God given desire for affection, affirmation, and love. Every soul longs to be chosen and to believe they matter-that they have purpose. There is a heart hunger hidden in each woman reserved for their Daddy and a desire to delight him. Therefore there is no one on this earth who holds more power to ensure the thriving of a soul than a father. Ultimately our desires are a gaping hole. A gaping flesh wound inflicted in the garden when man chose woman over God. Perfection was destroyed, sin was introduced, and our souls have been gaping wide ever since. There is only one remedy for our scarred hearts. The only soul fulfillment is the love of a sinless Savior and a blood stained cross.  

He is the living Word and the eternal pre-existing Word and his very utterances created a universe beyond comprehension. The breath of the Holy One infuses our lungs and every single exhalation whispers his name pouring forth praise. Forever his word is firmly fixed in the heavens extending hope to a sin tainted world. And the most significant confession is birthed in our hearts which leads to salvation because “out of the heart the mouth speaks” (Matthew 5:18)…Jesus is LORD! Jesus is LORD! Jesus is LORD! For that reason, our souls are diagnosed by our words since our tongues reveal our hearts. Our words exist in a circadian rhythm…daily gifts to sanctify our children who were made in the very image of God. Forgive us, Father, our soul amnesia overlooking whose image our children reflect and may our hearts consent with author Ann Voskamp to continually, “Speak words that make souls stronger,” because a parent’s words are weighty.

The Gift of Sponsorship

     I can still remember it like it was yesterday. My two little girls ages 6 and 4 were snuggled securely on my lap as we sat in front of the computer looking intently and heart-wrenchingly at the vast sea of beautiful, anticipative faces who were created in the image of our God. Each set of eyes looking back at me pierced my heart as we read story after story searching for the one God would place on our hearts to sponsor. Etched into each yearning face is a story. For some it is the loss of a parent, others it is living in a “high risk” aids infected area, the majority reside in malaria ridden areas, and many are the tiny hands and feet working for survival yet hoping one day education would be written into their lives that the cycle of poverty might be broken. Though the stories may be diverse, each one began with hope sworn identical words, “Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you” (Jeremiah 1:5). God is acquainted with every single story and every single child and his very knowing of them guarantees hope. As we painstakingly narrowed down the pictures and stories that tugged at our hearts, we made our decision and chose little Anna, age 6 from Tanzania. 
          

          Now it has been 6 years since our family sponsored our first child and we’ve gone on to add several more sponsorships to our family. Last Christmas, after my children began asking to become sponsors themselves, they each sat down at the computer and once again chose that special person whose lives they would impact. Because the truth of the matter is our very existence is a “mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes” (James 4:14) and our existence is not about making a life, but changing a life. Allowing our children the gift of sponsorship has given them a sense of responsibility in the transformation of a life across thousands of miles through prayer, letter writing, and gift giving. Addy, my oldest daughter, has become a beautiful spokesperson for Compassion, advocating on behalf of the children, speaking before her peers on Compassion Sunday, and forever looking for the next sponsor for the life of a child. 

     Last night I sat captivated at the Gift of Christmas Tour enthralled  with the beauty and passion of three sisters in Christ, Amena Brown, Ellie Holcomb, and Ann Voskamp. Yes, this event was sponsored by Compassion International, but sponsoring another child was the furthest thing from my mind. We had recently lost a couple of our Compassion children because their families had moved out of the Compassion service area and we had chosen new children in their place. However, as Ann Voskamp called the Compassion representatives forward, each carrying numerous folders containing the lives of children in desperate need of hope-my heart was stirred. Because during this advent season, isn’t that what we all need? What we all are starving to behold? Just a glimmer of hope in our messed up world? For some of us, we are hanging on by our last thread and we need someone to come and reweave our story and sow hope in our dark places. We need the light from heaven to peel back our darkness because light always over powers darkness. As I looked up, a beautiful young lady named Hope stood before me and her name simply beckoned me to extend the gift of hope to one of the lives in her hand. And then I saw her, a tiny girl child with braided hair with the words Central America scrawled across her card. My heart was pressed to choose her, just as Christ chose me and whispered, “You are mine” across the dark recesses of my longing soul. But, alas a moment of doubt, a second of hesitation and she was gone. The evening continued and my loving Father insisted, “Sponsor her,” but I wrestled with the internal dialog of my heart thinking surely she had been chosen by another since much time had elapsed. However, I sensed the gentleness of my Father asserting, “She’s still there.” So at the end of the evening I made my way through the crowd to the Compassion table and began swiftly scanning the sea of hopeful faces peering back at me from their folders, searching for the tiny girl child with braided hair from Central America. Then all of a sudden my eyes landed on her precious face and I gasped, not really believing, and I clutched her packet, thankful the Lord had extended a second opportunity for obedience to his will. Tears slid down my face as I clasped Holanna’s packet to my heart and I said to the representative, “I want her.” And with those words, Holanna became Cianciotto sponsored child #7…God’s perfect number. 

     Ever since I was a child I have held a deep longing to adopt and yet, I’ve had to learn to thank God for the desire while it goes unfulfilled. Although God has not given me more children to mother in my home, he has blessed me with what I like to call my “spiritual children” through Compassion. So, I have two children in Africa, one in Haiti, India, Bolivia, Mexico, and the Dominican Republic. He has called me to advocate for those who cannot advocate for themselves (Proverbs 31:9) and who are otherwise ruined by their condition. I am called to grasp hope and extend hope because if I don’t, I will pass through this life and never really live it. Hope is where the journey begins.    
If you would like to begin your journey of sponsorship, would you please consider sponsoring Francisco Emmanuel Bountin Jimenez from the Dominican Republic?

Addy is advocating for the Speak Up Compassion Campaign whereby she is "speaking up" for one child in poverty and looking for Franciscos's hope giver. Please contact me today if God has placed it on your heart to be his sponsor!

A Beautiful Reflection

                                 
     The Lord was birthing the words for this blog in my heart when I happened to see a Good Morning America clip about a “magic mirror” and a female band out of Austin, Texas called The Mrs. My curiosity was piqued. I mean what woman isn’t intrigued by the thought of a “magic mirror” that would speak positively about her reflection? As I watched the episode unfold, I was brought to tears as the magical mirror spoke positive, uplifting words of encouragement over each beautiful woman who dared to stop for a glance. (Watch here: www.themrs.com)
The Mrs. have stepped out with an innovative idea and a sure fire new hit, “I’m Enough,” challenging women in all walks of life to “kill that noise” of criticism that reigns unrelentingly when face-to-face with our reflection.
     We have bought the demoralizing lies far too long, friends, and the consequences are devastating. Anorexia, bulimia, self-mutilation, plastic surgery (to which I’ve succumbed), and measuring our self-worth by the number on a scale instead of the nail scarred hands of Christ. Each one of us is loved far more than we’ll ever know by a Savior that died for us (Romans 5:8). Prince Charming is a fictional character who sweeps the flawless princess off her feet, but Jesus Christ is the King of Kings whose blood bought our ransom and whose everlasting love for us is the embodiment of perfection.
     Several years ago I was chastising myself before the merciless mirror picking out each “flaw” my eyes deceivingly embraced. I was focused on the crinkles around my eyes, lines forming around my mouth, the too much wiggle in the tummy, and extra jiggle on my thighs when suddenly I sensed the sadness of my heavenly Father, my creator. Here his creation stood picking apart his work of art. He impressed upon my heart the truth of my criticism which was simply my agreement with the enemy. You see, Satan loves to distort the works of God and his desire is to “steal, kill, and destroy” (John 10:10) the abundant life Christ desires for us. When God created man in His image he looked at his creation and called it “very good” (Genesis 1:31). So when did we stop believing God’s word about our image which was created like him? We are a beautiful reflection of our amazing Creator, yet we have swallowed the lies of the evil one, aligning our thoughts with his, ashamed to look in the mirror or step on a scale. The last time I checked the words fear, overweight, underweight, and ugliness were not descriptions the Lord used to describe is daughters.
     Our true identity lies in Christ and he is enough. When we gaze in the mirror, we reflect the flawless beauty of chosen women who are redeemed from sin by blood spilled just for us. We have been adopted by a perfect Father who smiles at our appearance and shouts over our critical inner voice, “You are blessed, chosen, holy, blameless, loved, adopted, redeemed, and forgiven. You are mine” (Ephesians 1:3-5, Isaiah 43:1). Today when you step in front of the mirror, don’t be afraid of the image you see, embrace it as the person God created you to be. You are a beautiful reflection which represents the hand of God in a unique, inspiring, and beautiful design. 

Holy Ground

                                                 

          As I wrap up my quiet time and take the last few sips of my now cold pumpkin spice coffee; I reflect on my life recalling fond memories of my wedding day, births of my children, the numerous cities and homes I’ve lived as an Army wife, and all that my present life entails. God willing, I will reach a milestone in my life tomorrow…the big 4 0.  I certainly cannot boast of vast achievements, prestigious college degrees, world travels, or fame. I describe my life as a glorious mess of marital bliss and ugliness combined with parental successes and failures. I’m continuing to stumble through my homeschool calling year after year relying on God’s faithfulness that my inadequacies aren’t failing my children, while silently praying for spiritual growth through countless humbling experiences. I have perpetual piles of laundry, and a home that continually needs cleaning. Yet, our home boasts of moments of laughter, arguing, (inevitable?) pre-teen eye rolling, crying, forgiving and love. I half-heartedly admit to a love/hate relationship with my scale, I barely find time to squeeze in a workout (so I keep my fingers crossed I don’t find myself “squeezing” into my jeans!) I’ll admit I have an insatiable sweet tooth and my favorite junk food is Cheetos. Every four weeks I walk through the doors of the “beauty” parlor so as not to submit to gray hair; however, I’ve come to embrace my “laugh lines” which reveal a lifetime of joyful amusement! I am a die-hard Cowboys fan (which simply goes against the masses living in Houston), but I also have Kansas City blood which runs blue for the Royals, my childhood baseball team. I’m not the least bit creative or artsy like my mom, and my best rendition of drawing consists of stick figures.  I don’t have a crafty bone in my body, but being a homeschool mom, I suffer from “mommy guilt” (over many things and this is just one) which says I should attempt to offer craft time for my kids. Consequently, I only survive because of Pinterest, and yet my crafts never seem to turn out like the picture…sigh. I hate ironing and I’d much prefer going “slightly wrinkled” than waste precious time pulling out the ironing board. I can’t sew to save my life-sorry kids about all the AWANA patches that were super glued to your vests!  I have always been a bookworm, which was especially evident the year I gave my brother a book for Christmas and read it before he did! I love individual date nights with my kids, and I cherish long talks and alone time with my husband, the Colonel. Is any of this glamorous? Not at all. Significant? Yes. This is the life God ordained for me before time began (Eph 2:10). What I see as mundane and extremely ordinary, God sees as holy. When Moses encountered his burning bush experience, God said, “Take your sandals off your feet, for the place on which you are standing is holy ground” (Ex 3:5).

          As a wife and mother in the thick of marriage, sibling arguments, math problems which threaten my sanity, parental illness that renders my heart shattered, my Father decrees it all holy ground. Although most days my life is simply very commonplace, it’s also full of enriching experiences which God designed specifically for me so that I would inevitably become more like his Son. With every meal prepared, boo boo repaired, argument refereed, tears cried, patience tested, errand ran, math problem solved, science experiment flopped, stick figure drawn, prayers prayed, Bible lesson taught, and innumerable hugs given, every single moment of my life was perfectly designed by a perfect Savior for his glory and my sanctification. Honestly, turning 40 isn’t earth shattering as some make it out to be. For me, it’s simply a time of reflection and thanksgiving. In God’s sovereignty, I’m right where he wants me to be, living the life he created which is fully dependent on Him.

Living Undistracted

                                                               

As I rounded the corner of what I thought was the street I lived on during the final moments of my morning run, glancing around for a second I became utterly disoriented and realized I had turned a block too soon and was actually not headed toward home. It was in that moment of realization that the Lord whispered to my spirit, "When you're distracted, you are disoriented and not always headed in the right direction." This was a wakeup call for me as I grasped the spiritual aspect of living a life full of distractions-we might sidetrack from our destination and wind up on a path we hadn’t intended.
The Webster’s dictionary defines the word “distract” in this manner, "To turn aside, divert, to draw the attention or mind to a different object, to stir up or confuse with conflicting emotions or motives, literally to draw apart." It's this "drawing apart" that has been on my heart for some time, so when our pastor recently asked the church family to commit to fasting and praying on Wednesdays with him for an indefinite amount of time it was the beginning I needed to establish a more intentional life.
                I desired for my children to participate in the weekly fast as well, but I find it somewhat easy to give up food, but technology on the hand is a whole different story! So, with that, I decided to establish a “no technology” Wednesday. A day in which the kids and I would commit to living hands free from our computers, tablets, and electronic games in order to be more intentional about spending time together and praying. It was my way of offering my children the gift of my time and presence for an entire day. It also allowed for unhindered focused prayer times-instead of seeking the latest Facebook status, I sought the Lord.
                Living in this technology obsessed world, we are constantly plugged in and distracted from life going on around us. As I scribble my thoughts for this blog, I am sitting in the dentist office. Everyone around me is plugged in to some type of device ranging from tablets and phones to Ipods. I appear to be the only person not in touch with the techy society as a paperback book  begging to be read lies open on my lap as I scrawl words rapidly on a piece of scrap paper. As I glance around the room, I wonder if the father with his two daughters even realizes he is missing precious moments to talk with his girls and etch their beautiful faces into his memory instead of fixating on the screen of his phone? I wonder if his daughters secretly long to have a conversation with their father, but find it much easier to stay tucked away behind the hot pink tablets fashioning words to post on Facebook or their latest tweet? I’m certainly not saying I’ve never been that distracted parent. Sadly, I can admit it all too often hardly having the ability to even sit down at a restaurant without “checking in” on FB-like anyone cares. But the truth of the matter is, people do care. The ones who care are the friends or family sitting right across the table from us. When did our society become more interested in statuses than our loved ones? They are more important and deserving of our undistracted attention and when it comes to our kids, love is spelled T-I-M-E.

As parents we hold the key to creating the memories our children will take with them into adulthood. How we spend our moments are adding up and time with our children is passing quickly. Will they lovingly recall parents who were engaged, always willing to offer their undivided attention? Or will their memories be of a family who sat in the same room together each absorbed in their own version of technology while precious God moments slipped by? If we truly want to know the children God has blessed us with, we must put down the phones and stop escaping behind computer screens and embrace real life happening right in front of us. In a few short years our children will stand on a high school graduation stage ready to embark on their adult lives and for those parents who chose to live intentionally, they’ll be able to say, “I embraced the time I was given with my child, not always perfectly, but I have no regrets, I know my child and I invested in them and loved them to the best of my ability.” For those who spent their child’s years glued to a screen…well, they will eventually come to a devastating realization and the clock simply can’t be turned back. So, I conclude with Ann Voskamp, “I want to slow down, and taste life, give thanks and see God.”

As I write, I’m taking necessary steps to live a “hands free” life and it certainly is challenging. In my attempt to draw apart from technology, I have become more aware of the incessant interference  of my life with the constant bleeping of my phone beckoning me to answer that text, inquire as to who sent me a FB message, and to check my mail. The first thing I did was turn off my email notifications. Honestly, my life does not need to be interrupted by another offer from Groupon! We must intentionally starve those distractions in order to live intentionally. If you don’t starve the distractions, you’re starving your life of the “realness” going on around you. My second step was to implement one day per week to live purposely away from the hype, secluded away from the false images of Facebook and the internet that are major consumptions of time. I am convicted by the Proverbs 31 woman (whom I long to be) as it is written of her, “She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness (Pr 31:27). “The bread of idleness” literally means, “Having eyes looking everywhere.” What we focus on matters and I believe many of us are so distracted devouring the bread of idleness while our spirits are starving to death. We have neglected the true Bread of Life who promised us we’d never hunger instead exchanging it for the lie of a false god. The truth of the matter is that when you live distracted, you’re not living in the truth. How many times have you spent an hour on FB and walked away feeling poorly about yourself after ingesting all the glorious statuses and believing your life simply doesn’t measure up? Don’t get me wrong, FB has its positive aspects, but I have to wonder if it’s been hijacked as a subtle tool from the enemy distracting God’s people from the Bread of Life while offering us meager crumbs and stealing time away from God’s Word, work, prayer, and families. Remember, the thief comes to steal, kill, and destroy (John 10:10). Will we allow the enemy to continue stealing our time, killing our spiritual lives, and destroying our families and personal relationships? Think about it, when was the last time you had a face-to-face meaningful conversation with your friend or spouse? Unfortunately, we’re often too busy “tagging” our friends to actually pick up the phone and call them.

The straightforward words of Hands Free Mama, Rachel Macy Stafford, are still ringing in my ears, “Some things in life are incongruent. There are just some things you simply cannot grasp if you’re holding on to something else. To grasp what matters, you must let go of what doesn’t.” So, with that in mind, I challenge you to consider establishing a “hands free” day in your week. Deliberately create a “no phone” policy when you’re out to eat. Take time to construct meaningful conversations with your spouse. Look into the eyes of your adoring children who truly long for your attention. Let’s pray with the Psalmist, “Turn my eyes away from gazing at worthless things and revive me by your ways” (Ps 119:37). And may the mantra of our children’s childhood echo Rachel Macy Stafford’s, “So instead of being too busy, too tired, or too distracted when our children seek our love and attention, I will be ready and waiting to make them well-loved children while we can.”

Prayers for My Children...

I sincerely believe one of the most important things we can do for our children is pray for them on a daily basis. There is a war being waged in their lives that we cannot see, but we must combat through prayer. I want to share some prayers I often pray for my children with the hope of inspiring you to search the Scriptures and pray them over your children. God is faithfully watching over his Word to perform it (Jeremiah 1:12)!

Let my children's ears be tuned to the still small voice of the Spirit. May they hear the voice of God that they may use their voice to echo Him, not our culture (1 Kings 19:12).

Let the enemy's intentions of evil in my children's life be rendered ineffective like blunted arrows (Ps 58:7, Is 54:17).

In the midst of trials, may my children be confident, trusting the Lord and say, "This I know, God is for me!" (Ps 56:9, Rom 8:31)

May my children make the Lord their constant trust who do not turn away like those who go after a lie (Ps 40:4).

May they be imitators of God, not the world (Eph 5:11, Rom 12:2).

I pray they would be so strong spiritually, so compelled by divine love, that they are fully surrendered and dominated by the Lord with nothing left to self (Eph 3:19, John 3:30).

I pray God would give them one heart and one way that they would fear Him forever, for their own good and the good of their children after them. I pray God would make an everlasting covenant with them & will not turn away from doing good to them. I pray God will put the fear of Him in their hearts, that they won't turn from Him (Jer 32:38-41)

May they know the peace of being forgiven (1 John 1:9) and freely forgive others (Col 3:13, Eph 4:32).

May they persevere through trials joyfully (Js 1:2).

May they know the Word and the power of God (Matt 22:29).

I pray they would be caught when they make wrong choices and learn from their mistakes
 (Ps 51, Num 32:23).

I pray they would grow to be some of the most godly people in their sphere of influence and that God would save them from the wrong friends and save them for the right friends. I pray this for their future spouses as well (1 Cor 15:33).

May they have moral discernment between right and wrong (Heb 5:14).

May they have an appetite for good and a hatred of evil (Rom 12:9)

I pray they will have courageous willingness to stand alone under pressure (Dan 1:8-16).

I pray that all of my children will be taught by the Lord and great shall be their peace (Is 54:13).

I pray God will pour out His spirit on my offspring and his blessing on my descendants (Is 44:3).

I pray they will make their lives pure by guarding it according to God's Word (Ps 119:9).

May they have love for others and consider the poor (John 13:34-35, 1 John 4:11, Ps 41:1)

May they obey quickly, without hesitating when they hear the voice of the Lord (Ps 119:60).

Like Timothy, may they be an example to believers in speech, conduct, love, faith, and purity
 (1 Tim 4:12).

May they honor their parents (Eph 6:2).

May they fear God, not man (Matt 10:28, Gal 1:10).

May they walk in humility, counting others as more significant and looking out for the interest of others, trusting God to watch over them (Phil 2:3-7).

I pray for God to sanctify them by the truth of His Word (John 17:17).

May they intimately know the Lord's voice and all other voices will sound like a clanging gong in their ears (John 10:27).