In A Blink

    I blinked, and just like that it was over. And this mama didn’t handle the idea of “over” well. At the mere questioning from my daughter, concerning the possibility of attending public school next year, this mama was sent into a frenzy…And. It.Wasn’t.Pretty! I don’t expect you to understand if you have never had the privilege of schooling your children at home. So, let me quickly say, this isn’t a slam towards any family who has chosen the traditional path. I sincerely believe each Christian family must make the prayerful decision concerning which schooling method is appropriate for their family (homeschooling really isn’t for everyone and some days, I’ll admit, it wasn’t for me!) In spite of that, our family embarked on our homeschooling journey 7.5 years ago and it has been full of its joys and trials (especially in math-yuck!) As I now sit on the precipice of a decision to allow my freckle-faced girl to step into the world of public school, I see our homeschooling years suddenly coming to an abrupt close and I’ll be honest, I’m not joyfully singing, “Let it go!”
         As I reminiscence of decorating our first homeschooling room, I remember the excessive trepidation I felt taking this enormous step to follow the call of God on my life to educate our children at home. What if I don’t know the answers? What if I don’t understand every detail of the curriculum? Am I smart enough to teach them? Did God really say to do this? Am I crazy? But, isn’t that what happens when you commit to following God’s calling? Satan has been opposing God’s plan since the garden, so why should I expect anything differently? This homeschooling journey wasn’t necessarily all about keeping them out of public school, but rather, it was centered on the golden opportunity and command of Deuteronomy 6:6-7, “And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.” It was about taking God’s Word and making it the integral part of our children’s lives. I’ll admit though, there were some bumpy days in the beginning, and I wanted nothing more than to flag down that yellow school bus!

        As I reflect on the last 7.5 years, I remember introducing my oldest daughter to the wonderful world of reading while her 4 year old sister sat quietly soaking up every minute. It wasn’t long before she too began cautiously sounding out words to her mama while I enticed her younger brother with M&M’s to use the potty! I recollect time telling instruction, art (which wasn’t too “artsy” from this art inept mama), homeschool friends, pajama days, pumpkin patch field trips, and pulling our hair out over addition and subtraction flash cards (what I wouldn’t give now for one more hair pulling day!) Every single day started (and still starts) the same-opening God’s Word together, and we have stumbled through imperfect seasons of Bible memorization. We went everywhere together-shopping trips, doctor’s appointments, AWANA, dance classes, play times at the park, and swimming lessons at the community pool. (That was the pool where I met fellow homeschooling mama and now life-long friend, Sophia. I absolutely cherish her friendship, wisdom, and cups of coffee during play dates! She was the voice of affirmation and encouragement my first few years of homeschooling and for that, I’m forever thankful). But I digress…Our days were full, our lives were rich, and I just now realize and appreciate it. I didn’t completely embrace each season. Some I wished away quickly (like flashcards…who really loves those things anyway?!)
      But something has happened over the last few days with the mention of it all possibly ending. In the midst of struggling through tender feelings and seeking the wisdom of God, I was given the gracious reminder of intentionality. Everyone tells you time passes quickly once you have children (and I’ve found myself saying the same thing A LOT recently), but it isn’t until those precious, (sometimes hard) seasons of their lives are over that you look back and appreciate the moments. Perhaps I needed to learn this lesson as we embark on the teenage years. I don’t want to wish them away or make the mistake of not being fully present in the days and seasons God has for me. I want to live intentional in the jubilant days as well as in the ugly, chaotic, and problematic messes. Every single one is a gift. Doesn’t the Scripture exclaim, “A person cannot receive even one thing unless it is given him from heaven?” (John 3:27 ESV). So, to the best of my ability, from this day forward, I will live with intentionality. I will grasp my God given moments and live them to the fullest. I will cherish the concluding days of hand crafted pictures, butterfly kisses, Legos scattered, light-saber duels, disheveled beds, finger print smudges, floors full of dinner crumbs, stumbling through math problems, misspelled words, co-op classes, and yes, even flashcards! It is through trials our faith is perfected and it is on the difficult roads the Father molds and perfects. Whatever path our Father has chosen for our family; and however that exposes my weaknesses and shortcomings, I will choose to live intentionally and completely. Psalm 90:12 says, “So teach us to number our days that we may gain a heart of wisdom.” Perhaps God allowed this circumstance with my freckle-faced girl to get my attention and remind me to “number my days,” which is to evaluate the use of my time in light of the brevity of life. Ann Voskamp recently said, “You have absolutely only one decision to make every day: How will you use your time?” Making the most of my time does not entail a tablet screen, TV, or text message. I hear the clock ticking loudly and the moments adding up which equal my life and legacy. Speaking of moments, I’ve spent enough time in front of this screen and the pitter patter of feet has reminded me why I’m writing in the first place, so I must sign off. It’s time to live intentional.