Risk Taker

Would you consider yourself a risk taker? I wouldn't. I've always regarded myself as a "safety girl," preferring options with as close to a guaranteed outcome of little to no loss as I can get.  The gut honest truth is: I like my comfortable life. In fact, I probably like it a little too much. I live what millions would consider the "American Dream." I may not have a white picket fence around my home, but during my married life we've always had a steady source of income that's afforded us nice homes, amenities, a well-stocked pantry, closets of clothing, two vehicles, and the ability to extend generosity to others in their time of need. All of this so called "stability" recently came crashing down with one open door, and our decision to step out in faith and take a risk. 

For the past two years my husband and I have been praying for God to open a door for us to move away from the fast paced city life of Houston, TX.  Being a retired military family who is used to moving every couple of years, we quickly grew restless with the craziness of city life, resenting every agonizing moment spent in traffic, and lamenting the simpler country lifestyle we left behind. This is not to say we didn't have great things going for us in Houston. My husband worked for one of the best school districts in the area, and was well-regarded by his boss, peers, and students. We had a great homeschool community that provided excellent resources for our children. We even have family in the area; however, in the four years we've lived here, we lacked for close connections, and never really felt "at home." This feeling of discontent didn't appear to be a fleeting emotion no matter how many times I brought it to the Lord in prayer. My husband and I agreed, Houston wasn't the place the Lord was calling us to stay, but where was He calling us to go?

We began praying and seeking possible job opportunities, but for two years we ran into road blocks and the right opportunity didn't seem to reveal itself. In May, my husband stumbled across a listing for a JROTC position at San Marcos Academy in San Marcos, TX, and decided immediately to apply. (If you're familiar with the beauty of the Texas Hill Country, you know exactly why he jumped at the opportunity, not to mention is was a Christian school)! However, with this opportunity came risk. We knew if offered the job we'd lose a significant chunk of our income. Was it worth it? Was God really calling us to go? Do we really have faith that God will provide, or do we just offer lip service to the idea? This open door was about to put our faith to the test, and reveal the idols of my heart. 

My husband interviewed, and was offered the position. We had already been in prayer concerning God's direction for our family, and although we can't say we had supernatural indicators for accepting the job, we did feel that we had prayed for wisdom and discernment, and choosing to say yes to this opportunity felt more alive than the safety of no. Stepping out in faith means being willing to leave idols behind.

Five days after my husband submitted an early resignation (allowing the district ample time to find his replacement without leaving them with a simple two week notice and no instructor to begin the new school year), he received a phone call advising him that his contract would be terminated effective by the end of the week. So, right off the bat our faith is being put to the test! Termination means no paychecks for the next month and a half until he starts his new job, and oh by the way, we had just signed a contract on a new home in San Marcos. Buying a home and being unemployed don't exactly go hand in hand. 

So, we began to tighten our financial buckle in an attempt to stretch our final paycheck as far as it would go. Adjusting our grocery budget is something I had never had to do, and frankly, my flesh was screaming for ice cream, chips, and anything not deemed "necessary." We already had tickets to attend the Father's Day Astros game with my dad, but saying no to all things ballpark related revealed the ugliness of idolization in my heart. The immature, entitled part of me was demanding ball park foods: hotdogs, cotton candy, peanuts, soda (how can you enjoy a game without such things)? It was then that I realized I wasn't content with just being. Being with my family and being thankful for what I did have:  a ticket to the game, spending Father's Day with my dad, and being surrounded by my family and screaming fans.

Two weeks later, just when we thought the move would transition smoothly, we lost the contract on our home. The potential buyers got cold feet and walked. So, our faith is once more being tested. I am absolutely confident we are walking in the will of God because the opposition is fierce. Although I struggle with "counting it all joy when I face trials of various kinds" (James 1:2), I am certain God will see us through even though I can't see the way. There is a thrill knowing God is directing our steps, and is in sovereign control of our situations, even those situations that we find disappointing. The thing is, we can't learn to trust God without risk, uncertainty, humility, and vulnerability. 

Although we are in the middle of a storm, and we can't see how the difficulties we're facing will turn out, we can rest in the fact God is strengthening our faith and teaching us to trust in him alone. He is our provider-not the school district and not the potential buyers, and he will work "all things out for our good" (Romans 8:28). Here is what I'm most excited about-all of this struggle means Satan is trying his hardest to keep us from moving and to lose faith. Why? When God opens doors, it is not solely for the benefit of those to whom it was open. The benefit is for those we will meet along the journey. For those we can share our story to encourage them along in theirs. It's for those who need to hear the gospel to whom we are being sent. It is for God's glory and our sanctification.